learning how to write again

how many words can i write before words start looking weird

Buying journals is getting expensive and I’ve missed blogging, so I’m staking a plot in yet another piece of digital real estate.

As I write this, I am currently 1. unemployed, 2. back in the States after bouncing around Asia for two months, and 3. doing an abysmal job sticking to my 2024 (or even my 2023) goals. With so little to tether me to the ground, it’s become more critical than ever to carve out a safe place for myself. A place to learn how to write again, share what’s on my mind and what’s been inspiring me, overcome my creative impasses, and – hopefully, eventually – nurture something borne out of my words, and mine alone.

I’ve dubbed this liminal space “lightwaves” as a reminder of how many things delight my senses and bring me joy, one of them being refraction: the magic of watching light bend in water, the heat of a summer day kissing your skin, tasting the sweat on your upper lip and thinking nothing would please you more than slipping off your clothes and sliding into the pool.

Portrait of an Artist (Pool with Two Figures) by David Hockney

People ask me what I’m going to do now that I’ve quit my job. I respond back, saying I want to work on writing my stories… but to be honest, there are bigger questions I need to answer first. Why am I here? To pursue freedom? Self-actualization? Genuine, unfettered happiness?

For the longest time, I thought I didn’t deserve any of the above. In fact, I don’t know what a future with those look like. It’s terrifying to think about.

But part of me is still in awe, the other in complete denial, that I’ve taken this chance on myself. So even though I still question the wisdom of this enterprise, I tell myself, “Caroline, shut up,” and proceed to do as I wish.

So let’s have fun here.

things that have arrested my attention

“Little Red Riding Hood” & “The Three Little Pigs” by Roald Dahl

I’m part of a reading group analyzing fairy tales, and LRRH was the first to make the list. Comparing the variations side-by-side, I was struck by how Dahl’s signature dark humor subverts LRRH in a manner Oscar Wilde would have approved of, all in clever verse and punchy endings.

Lies of P Original Soundtrack by Yeakun Yoo

Lies of P is yet ANOTHER game I have added to my ever-growing list of video games to play (I still haven’t finished BG3 URGH), but I suspect I will get to this one sooner rather than later given its… everything. Out of the Soulslike genre, I much prefer the baroque/gothic feel of Bloodborne to the medieval settings of Dark Souls or Elden Ring, so the Belle-Epoque-meets-Pinnochio-meets-Grand-Guignol aesthetic of Lies of P is right up my alley.

In the meantime, I’m slaking my thirst on the stellar OST, composed by Yeakun Yoo. According to a blog post on how he composed the music, Yoo “delicately crafted the music to allow players to navigate subtle emotional nuances effectively,” which I certainly hear across the 70+ songs. The OST carries an emotional heft that I haven’t really heard in the Soulsborne games (which focuses more on atmosphere, with a few exceptions), and music actually serves as a gameplay mechanic to my understanding.

Hyperdrama by Justice

Amidst all the whinging about this year’s Coachella lineup, one bright spot stood out: Justice is BACK.

Watching their Woman Worldwide performance at Coachella 2017 permanently altered my brain chemistry, and I have been chasing that level of performance high ever since. The Ed Banger label is hyping up Justice’s forthcoming album Hyperdrama and, from what I’ve gleaned so far, rightfully so. Their lead single “One Night/All Night” featuring Tame Impala is set to come out THIS Wednesday, and my friend sent over a leak with a potential feature from the Weeknd, so we’ll have no shortage of ethereal, soaring vocals a la Woman. But they also featured a promo teaser with a sound that hearkens back to their Cross album: grainy but grandiose, distorted but decadent, and noisome in a way that makes you grit your teeth in pleasure-pain as you turn the volume up (read: it’s eargasmic, okay, it’s eargasmic).

I’m more optimistic than I have been in years that this album will fill the void in my music-heart – a void that can only be filled by the potent combination that is French House playfulness, transcendent production, and crunchy synth bangaroos.

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I started “polling” my friends just because it’s fun to see people passionately defend their opinions over the mildest questions. Thought I might ask them in my posts and see what people respond.

Poll of the day: In-n-Out or Shake Shack? (or something else?)

It feels weird to put a CTA here, but I do want to see what people think, so drop an answer below!