little things i'm thinking of and/or looking forward to
gotta keep it little or else i'm never going to publish ( ꩜ ᯅ ꩜;)
This is probably the fifth draft I’ve started in the past two weeks. Somehow, my intention to provide a chill (emphasis on CHILL) update on how life’s been has derailed with each attempt. I’ve written about what questions are worth pursuing, what to do when you’re sick, the nature of friendships. But whenever I reached the three-quarters mark, a – lugubrious? unctuous? doleful? – feeling oozed over me until I grew disgusted and could no longer bring myself to finish. Like eating too rich of a dish: bone marrow, honey and ricotta, buffalo dip, the fatty rind of a steak, chocolate cake of the densest variety.
Like all those rich and delicious things I mentioned above, sentimentality is one of my many indulgences. But all this navel gazing is leaving streaks of excess on the lens of reality, and I’m starting to get grumpy at the fact I can’t enjoy a simple sunset without launching into inquiries about how I ought to enjoy beauty, if beauty is something to be earned, ad nauseam.
So, instead of meandering as I’m wont to do when presented with a blank page, I’m giving myself structure. No more paragraphs. Only bullet points. And pictures.
Here are little things I’m thinking of and/or looking forward to:
My partner showcased his designs in a fashion show for the first time!
First of all, I’m so stupidly, ridiculously, outrageously proud of him. As soon as the models came down the runway in his designs, I knew K’s clothing weren’t his just because he wore them. K managed to instill his essence in every single design decision, and you could tell.
He said something to me that stood out the other day, when I asked if he considered himself a prideful person: “My expectations and standards are my pride.”
Secondly, props to The Web for putting on such an insane show for their first time! They hosted Biophilic Continuum at Fort Mason and rolled out all the stops: stellar set design, live music and performances, projection lighting, and crazy afters (props to my homie M for both the sound engineering and a banging set).
My hubris never fails to surprise me when it comes to matters of health. Family and friends reported with alarming frequency how bad the flu was this season. You’d think it was the fifth horseman of the apocalypse coming, judging by the sounds of their suffering. I was hoping to make it to spring unscathed, but alas, I too woke up with the telltale itch in my throat.
In a funny turn of events, I got to know friends J and T individually well before I realized they were together, so the first time I saw the two as a couple was at their wedding ceremony last year. Fast forward to now, and J asked me to be a witness in a mini ceremony at their Catholic church. “In and out under an hour,” she said. Of course, I said. I’m not religious by any means, but I did gain greater appreciation for the faith my friends and so many others hold dear in their hearts. The ceremony itself was short and sweet; the readings touching, the homily a testament to “extravagant love;” I got to play ringbearer; J and T looked lovely as ever.
I rediscovered the pleasure of a rewatch. My friend L and I bond over our love for unhinged movies that leave you weirdly disquieted at the end, which is why, after we watched Babygirl and discovered the revelation that is Harris Dickinson, I insisted she watch Triangle of Sadness – which is better than The Menu if we’re talking about “eat the rich” films IMO. I recall watching ToS in theaters but forgot practically 70% of what happened. The dialogue continued to elicit a visceral reaction from me, whether it was laughter or discomfort. But the most fun, as with most rewatches, is anticipating the reaction of my friend who went into the film blind and came out an Abigail stan (me too).
On top of my list of to-dos – pack for three trips, all in wildly different contexts: a tropical wedding, visiting Japan and Los Angeles, and an extended stay in remote North Carolina. The enormity of the task looms over me, my three suitcases gazing at me from the floor. But, predictably, I will wait last-minute to pack… unless some bolt of inspiration strikes me.
Speaking of inspiration, the DJ Folamour vlogs on occasion, and he vlogged about what he packed for his most recent tour. Color me impressed?? The man carries a minimum of 5 USBs on him and somehow manages to pack his protein powder for a 3-week long trip, all in a carry-on and backpack. Teach me your secrets!
To my delight: I have lots of ideas I want to write about! To my embarrassment: they exist as half-baked drafts, maybe never to see the light of day. Typical writer dilemma, but I need to channel some major Bruce Lee aura and be like water when it comes to words. My goal is to start KOing these ideas; stretch goal is to make an editorial calendar and do that shit justice.
Highlight of the month – I indoctrinated one of my best pals into the cult of Justice. We hopped on a plane and flew down to San Diego to eat ceviche (we also belong to the cult of Oscar’s) and dance at CRSSD. We got to meet up with friends, but more unexpectedly, we somehow ended up making up new friends. During the set, we joined forces with the group next to us and proceeded to spend the next hour and a half hollering and hooting like demented gorillas. I overheard some guy next to us ask his girlfriend, “Is this what it feels like to be young and fun again?”
Surprise of the day. Extremely beat from the previous night, E made the executive decision that we were going to eat Vietnamese food for lunch. After recovering over a soul-restoring bowl of bún bò Huế and bún riêu, we walked outside just to bump into the friends we made last night! Happy coincidence 🫰
Alright, I’m cutting it off here. And I lied, there are paragraphs! But honestly, writing all this, I realize how many beautiful memories I made with friends old and new the past few months. More than I expected, honestly, now that I think about how I spent the past few months parked in the city for the most part.
Aside from preparing for the next mini-chapter in my life (living my art school dream out in the Appalachians), I’m focused on enjoying my last few days in San Francisco for a while. My friend and I hit up Ocean Beach on a warm day to enjoy some snowy plovers and make some art.
I’ve been digging oil pastels for a long while now, but it wasn’t until recently I got my hands on a blending stump. I’m realizing my style is to figure things out in-flight until I arrive at a happy accident.
The tape ripping off the paper was an accident, but watching how clean those edges are... another level of happiness altogether. Anywho, enjoy the sort of ASMR – til next time! 👋